Tuesday, September 15, 2009

How Close is Too Close?

I have to admit, I have not had the pleasure of keeping company to my friend 'L' lately. Work and real life have a tendency to get in the way at times, damn it. We do text and talk frequently and have continued getting to know one another on an intellectual level as well as some erotic picture exchange. It's all good to keep the fires burning when time doesn't permit that connection.

I am very surprised on how the relationship is progressing....and have been struggling a bit to keep the balance at home. I'm sure my other fellow blogger's in the lifestyle can relate. L is pushing for some one-on-one time and hubby is not comfortable (for lack of a better word) with me going off to be alone. Our balance all along is that my husband is involved in some way, whether it is through video, pictures, visually watching foreplay, etc. I'm sure this is in part the reason for his reluctance for condoning the along time. In addition, I get the feeling that he is also attempting to control how close or connected my friend and I become. I find this interesting as all along my husband and I have discussed me having a lover, rather than just a 'fuck buddy' and he was rather encouraging that I should try to find someone like this as of course the sex would be more fulfilling and because I prefer focusing on one friend at a time. As this particular relationship is progressing, I get the feeling he feels threatened in some way or feels that perhaps he is not in control of the situation.

My question goes out to those of you that have similar experiences. What boundaries have you established and is it a matter of the husband retaining complete control over the situation that keeps the comfort level in place? I would like to hear both male and female perspectives on this topic. Don't get me wrong, of course the arousal of the interracial relationship is there for both of us and I do enjoy having an intellectual and perhaps even slightly emotional bond with my new partner. I have made it clear to 'L' that my place is with my husband and nothing will change that and he has acknowledged that he is aware of the 'package deal' (hubby is in the vicinity, but does not participate); however still would like to have some alone time with me. He has indicated he feels like he cannot completely be himself with me in such a controlled environment. I would also be interested in hearing from the 'lover' perspective that engages in this type of relationship with a married couple. Do you feel that you can be yourself or do you feel restricted with your partner's spouse close by?

Hopefully I will have some intimate recount to share with you very soon, in the meantime just pondering - how close is too close?


rb83 said...

I get the feeling he feels threatened in some way or feels that perhaps he is not in control of the situation...I do enjoy having an intellectual and perhaps even slightly emotional bond with my new partner...

Ya think? You're having sex with another man - perhaps with better 'equipment' and technique. Being threatened is part of the kink - but you shouldn't be surprised by it!! Would you feel threatened if your husband was sleeping with a 20something blonde twig with HUGE knockers? Especially if he was open to a "slightly emotional bond" with her?

I have made it clear to 'L' that my place is with my husband and nothing will change that and he seems receptive to this notion... Have you made it clear to your husband? And 'L' better be more than receptive...he'd better DEAL with it.

Sexy Wife in GA said...

Thank you for your direct words.

I do feel that I make it clear to my husband, my place is by his side and has been for 20 years now. I've even suggested returning to a traditional/monogomous marriage - indicating that this lifestlye is not a 'Need' but rather a means of entertainment. Much to my surprise, he was actually a bit irritated about the possibility of me no longer playing the 'hot wife' role.

cherie said...

Maybe as times goes by "L" will be more comfortable with letting you be alone with your BBC lover. When you come home you can play with "L" as you tell him every detail of what happened.

IvoryQueens4BlackKings said...

I would work the issue slowly and make sure he understands the reason why you want the alone time, and assure him that you will take the video camera so he will get some enjoyment from it too. Of course he can't expect you to video tape the entire evening so give your hubby some vid, then take some spontaneous moments of passion just for yourselves. That way everyone gets what they want!

bdenied said...

for us it is she fucks who she wants when she wants and how she wants and I may or may not be invited to watch, participate or even be present. it has evolved that way. I encouraged her to fuck other men and she accepted my invitations but did so on her terms....I think that is the way it should be....should she fall in love...well unlikely but if she does so what....thats what happens when we play these games....if we are not willing to accept the consequences we shouldnt be playing and for this I speak of the men, not the ladies.....I am what I am a cuckold, and I like being cuckold and all that it implies....hope that helps

Hotwife Anna and Hubby said...

If your interracial fun is something you do together, and agreed on that scenario, and he's not comfortable with that changing--and your lover is the one wanting to change the known situation--then who is trying to control things? Who is trying to stir up a mix that so far seems to have worked very well?
Why you want to put your partner of 20 years through any stress at all. He is the one who is willing to be unconventional enough to not object to your enjoying other men.

Emma Kelly said...

Hi again,

Thanks for the comment back at your interview with IQ4BK.

Your attitude about developing feelings runs similarly to that of my wife. We are contemplating her moving into a deeper form of cuckolding in which she develops a more genuine bond with a lover. The hard part will be finding that guy.

Your husband's approach/avoidance of the cuck experience he's having is understandable. As others have pointed out, perhaps more than a little reassurance is needed. Cuckolds have a streak of emotional masochism. They want to suffer the pain of losing their wife's affection but yet they often want to pull the strings behind the scenes. The wife has to be very strong. He needs to know that you love him but he is not in control.

I have written about this in the current post at our site. By the way, I'm a Georgia native. They grow us kinky down there in that red clay.


Mrs. Kelly's Playhouse

MikeCindynJoe said...

Despite our many sexual partners, we do not date separately, preferring to share instead. This is not an insecurity-based thing, it is a keystone of our relationship... "We have no secrets", which I've written about in detail.

When dating, everything that happens becomes separate and is therefore an unintentional secret. These parallel relationships can take a life of their own, wholly separate and detached from the primary relationship which should ALWAYS have priority.

There's too much to describe here, but if you'd like a more complete explanation from our POV, cruise "Wives and Lovers"...


... where there are several more links on the same subject, including "We have no secrets".

Hope this helps understand this from our perspective.


Sexy Wife in GA said...

MikeCindynJoe - Thank you for the comments and I did take the time to look through your blog as mentioned. It sounds like all three of you have truly made a wonderful connection. You reconnecting with your wife and adding Joe to the mix for both of your pleasure as well as his. I understand you don't date separately - however does Joe and Cindy ever do things without you present?

MikeCindynJoe said...

Sexy Wife,

None of us play separately or date outside of our circle here or in NY. Joe (and later Suzy) are the only ones to be with Cindy when I travel and Cindy and I are with Suzy when Joe is away. Since our move to CA, we have been downsized to a monogamous and faithful, "Ménage de Quad".

I hope my thoughts on this subject within the posts I cited are clear and understood and are received as merely being our own personal positions and perspectives and are not judging or discouraging any others. Few people are identical... and I'm glad.

Thanks for cruising by.


Sexy Wife in GA said...

Thank you for clarifying, you did answer my question in that Cindy does play while you are away. Fortunately, because of your arrangement, I'm sure Joe does not have any reservations or does not feel uncomfortable in any way. Perhaps in time this will change in my situation as well.