I have to admit, I have not had the pleasure of keeping company to my friend 'L' lately. Work and real life have a tendency to get in the way at times, damn it. We do text and talk frequently and have continued getting to know one another on an intellectual level as well as some erotic picture exchange. It's all good to keep the fires burning when time doesn't permit that connection.
I am very surprised on how the relationship is progressing....and have been struggling a bit to keep the balance at home. I'm sure my other fellow blogger's in the lifestyle can relate. L is pushing for some one-on-one time and hubby is not comfortable (for lack of a better word) with me going off to be alone. Our balance all along is that my husband is involved in some way, whether it is through video, pictures, visually watching foreplay, etc. I'm sure this is in part the reason for his reluctance for condoning the along time. In addition, I get the feeling that he is also attempting to control how close or connected my friend and I become. I find this interesting as all along my husband and I have discussed me having a lover, rather than just a 'fuck buddy' and he was rather encouraging that I should try to find someone like this as of course the sex would be more fulfilling and because I prefer focusing on one friend at a time. As this particular relationship is progressing, I get the feeling he feels threatened in some way or feels that perhaps he is not in control of the situation.
My question goes out to those of you that have similar experiences. What boundaries have you established and is it a matter of the husband retaining complete control over the situation that keeps the comfort level in place? I would like to hear both male and female perspectives on this topic. Don't get me wrong, of course the arousal of the interracial relationship is there for both of us and I do enjoy having an intellectual and perhaps even slightly emotional bond with my new partner. I have made it clear to 'L' that my place is with my husband and nothing will change that and he has acknowledged that he is aware of the 'package deal' (hubby is in the vicinity, but does not participate); however still would like to have some alone time with me. He has indicated he feels like he cannot completely be himself with me in such a controlled environment. I would also be interested in hearing from the 'lover' perspective that engages in this type of relationship with a married couple. Do you feel that you can be yourself or do you feel restricted with your partner's spouse close by?
Hopefully I will have some intimate recount to share with you very soon, in the meantime just pondering - how close is too close?